"Shlerft!"

     I'm surprised I found my way out of the womb.  I have a big problem with navigation.  I have never had a speech impediment or stuttering problem my whole life, until I am asked which turn to take in a car.  I am naturally a very decisive person, so I make decisions quickly and am pretty good at thinking on my feet; except when navigating.  Ask me which turn to take next on a road, and you will get a reply from me in .2 seconds sounding something along the lines of "shlerft!"  After many failed attempts at finding our way back to campus, my friends have learned to ignore my navigational instincts, but unfortunately, my own body has not.


     My first quarter of school, I had absolutely no idea where I was going.  Before school started, I would look at maps of campus, trying to get myself oriented with the buildings.  I would spend my time walking around campus, memorizing numbers of buildings, counting feet between classes, and timing my days perfectly so I would have ample time to get lost.


     My second day of public speaking class, I decided to cut through campus like all the normal kids, instead of trotting all the way around North Perimeter Rd. to get to the English 22 building.  I noticed a kid from my class and decided to follow him.  I didn't want to follow too closely, because I was still super concerned with looking like a 'newb,' so I went in a different door than him.  I had one of those moments after I made my way through the door where I knew I had made the wrong decision.  BUT, I was too stubborn to turn around and just follow him.


     I immediately started freaking out when I recognized NOTHING.  I needed to find room 118, and fast! I had been to this building before, yet nothing looked familiar. The numbers on the classrooms were different and there was no sign of anyone from my class.  I began to breathe deeper and deeper as I tried to figure out who I would call in this situation.  I walked into a random classroom and asked a crop science professor where my classroom was.   He gave me directions, but I didn't hear any of them because I was TOO NERVOUS. How could I be lost? I had been to this classroom before, on the first day of public speaking! I should have taken the long way. I would have totally preferred looking like a stalker to getting this lost.


     I literally started to run, my peers staring at me as I passed their comfortable classrooms, sprinting.  Finally, I started to ask for directions again, this time it was to an entire class standing outside a door waiting for their professor.  I panicked even more and yelped, "DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE ROOM 118 is?" ...thinking they would be sympathetic to my "newbness." My professor walked up behind me right after I said this, and opened room 118, giving me the most judgmental look I have ever seen, as MY class followed her in from the hall. How embarrassing....  I guess you can never prepare yourself for your own stupidity.


-Dame Shirley

UTTER BRILLIANCE

     I get all my brilliant, profound ideas at night.  I purposely drank a grande black full-leaf tea at 8pm this evening so I could begin my "This I believe" essay for English 145.  The assignment is a 600 word piece explaining and justifying an idea in which I believe.  My professor says it's easier to figure out what exactly I believe, by making a list of things in which I do NOT believe or things with which I disagree.  UGH. 
     My list thus far:
Anarchy, immortality, ghosts, excuses, power walking, mutual love at first sight, the ability to speak a language completely fluently, Charlie Sheen, never regretting anything, illegal immigration, 'myspace,' teaching students only to pass a certain test, 7am lectures... 


This is approximately 1/64 of the list. I'll let you know how the finished product turns out, (as long as I don't over-think myself into oblivion first.)  


-Dame Shirley