Welcome to my two-part introduction to the beginning of my second year at the greatest school ever (CAL POLY SAN LUIS OBISPO GO MUSTANGS.) This quarter has been the epitome of awesome. It all began with a simple guitar, an artichoke that looks like a radish, a spectacular group of friends, and a lot of cookies.
First off, basically every week I develop an unofficial list of new things that I love, and a bigger list of things that I hate. This keeps my world in order, and makes me feel powerful. One of the things I have learned to hate are “that awkward moment when...” facebook statuses. Yes, we all have awkward moments, and yes it helps to talk about them with others at times, but is it really necessary to turn them into something so trite and stupid-sounding, put it on facebook, then hashtag it? NO. Anyway, I made a rule a long time ago that I can’t hate things until I try them, then and only then, can I unveil my undeniable loathing for it. (Read the first Twilight book, went on a date with a tool, ice-skated, ate a whole peanut, listened to Mayday Parade, watched Two and a Half Men... etc..) So, in the spirit of this promise I made to myself, I have decided to make my own list of “that awkward moment when...” scenarios, that I have experienced in my first quarter at Cal Poly this year.
That awkward moment when...
...you are walking past a cute boy on campus, and all of the sudden you become extremely aware of your legs.
You suddenly realize how freakishly you walk. You don’t simply trip over your own feet, you start walking with an interesting, unexplainable hop. You drag your left foot more. You try putting your feet one in front of the other so your hips swing back and forth more, but can only swing it on the right side, so instead of looking sexy, you look like an ostrich trying to avoid a pile of cow manure. (You won’t understand the ostrich reference until you’ve been in this situation.)
...you daydream in class and realize you’re staring directly into the eyes of a confused stranger.
There’s not much to say about this one, just that it is that rare human moment that no one wants to discuss or explain, simply forget about it.
...you are sitting next to an infant in a stroller and he/she (you can’t tell because boy and girl infants are basically synonymous) makes eye contact with you and doesn’t look away.
You keep looking because you’re so confused, but don’t want to be a jerk and ignore him/her. At the same time, do they even have feelings yet? Will he/she remember that you ignored the look? Are its parents aware that their baby is acting like a Chris Angel wannabe? It’s so juvenile...
...you walk around your apartment in just your underwear, trying to get your roommates to feel uncomfortable, but they are used to things like that, and don’t say a word.
...you are described as a “good blower” in biology lab, because your makeshift “by-the-sail” jellyfish won the race.
...you instantly fall in love with a stranger in the car next to you, because you know you will never see him again.
Everyone is so much more brave whilst driving in their car. HELLO. It’s okay to flirt outside of a moving vehicle!! Isn’t it?
...you walk into the wrong apartment with your pink Kevin Bacon shirt on, screaming “someone’s home!”
Then completely judge a strange boy for being in YOUR apartment, when in actuality, it is HIS apartment.
...you’re walking on campus and see the boy who lives in the apartment that you mistook as your own.
Hide behind a bush? YES.
...you try to come up with a nickname for someone on the spot, and it doesn’t work. AT ALL.
Don’t attempt improv if you’re not good at thinking on your feet. It does, in fact, require thought.
So finally, I have the right to eternally hate “that awkward moment when...” quotes. Please start hating them, also.
-Dame Shirley
